He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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