Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
