that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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