I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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