I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
