Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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