oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
