I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
