you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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