I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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