Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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