trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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