you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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