From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
