And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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