so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
