Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
