I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
In America we eat man semen.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
