i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
