Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
