Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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