ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
