it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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