the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
