I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize