i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize