You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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