There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
