He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
