The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
