as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize