You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't deserve a penis
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm too high and old for this...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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