At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
