I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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