Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
