I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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