If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize