Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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