he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
