when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
