Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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