Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
