Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
