You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
