the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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