So drunk its hurt
I'm really into asian looking animals
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
