overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
