Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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