I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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