Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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