Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
