I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
