Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
