I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
