Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
