i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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