Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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