My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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