we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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