best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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