wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
