guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
