we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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